I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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