Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
