At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
