at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
