You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
