It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
