Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I touched a dick in church today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
