dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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