I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
