he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
