it hurts more in the daytime
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's just like the Real World with babies
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
