It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
