Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
