hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
