I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
