I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
