I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
