i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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