just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
