He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
