My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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