You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
