I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
