Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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