I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
