I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
did you just send me my own nude
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
