The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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