Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
