Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
