but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
