his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
