You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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