I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
