There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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