We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
