I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
