Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
