My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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