She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
