TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
