we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
