And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
