I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
