Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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