I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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