his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
