We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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