I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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