Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
