I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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