Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
