You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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