Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
