Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
