I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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