After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
